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Board index : THE LOUNGE : Inner Game Essentials

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:24 am 
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Fresh Fish

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:41 am
Posts: 10
Great post, here my 2 cents on AA.

The main reason for me to not approach was, because I didn't know how she would react to my opener and the fear of not knowing what to say after wards. (And later I realized that deep down I expected her to give me a negative response).

Basically how I overcame this was to just go in with anything and the goal for that specific night was to get blown out at least 10 times, what I noticed was that girls aren't like big bad green goblins who would laugh at your face, also other people don't really notice you either, they're too busy thinking about how they themselves are perceived towards the world. (And if you get her smiling within seconds by going direct, people often think you know each other).


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PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2010 3:45 pm 
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Be Powerful Powerhouse

Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:26 am
Posts: 252
I'm trying to find my core desires but its a little difficult. I go out on the weekends trying to pickup girls like everyone else but don't have the success I'd like. I feel like I only go out for this purpose, to go after girls. The more I go out and don't get the results I like, it just hurts my confidence. Why do I go out and look for girls? I want to have sex with girls, and possibly establish a relationship with a girl if shes cool. Why do I want this? because I want to feel desired by the opposite sex. It would be nice to have regular sex but its much deeper than that for me(as im sure it is with most people). Its one area in my life that I feel I lack the most, and at the same time care the most about. I feel like its an area that so many people who are no different than me, can succeed at, so I feel like its something that everyone but myself is doing. My failure makes me feel like less of a man. All these emotions are not things I want to be feeling. I don't want to go out and rely on girls to make me feel like more of a man, but I cant shake that feeling. I know I'm putting so much of the way I feel about myself into something I can't control. When I don't get the results I want, I always reflect it on myself, like I did something wrong or theres something wrong with me. Finding this site has helped me take the first step in realizing all these things and improve myself, but some feelings are very hard to shake. Any advice you guys might have? Are my core desires very clear and I'm just not seeing them?


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PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2010 4:13 pm 
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Get Real Graduate
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Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2008 6:40 pm
Posts: 1906
Location: Sydney
david1234 wrote:
Are my core desires very clear and I'm just not seeing them?

I can only go on what you wrote, but here's what I saw:

david1234 wrote:
I want to feel desired by the opposite sex... My failure makes me feel like less of a man.

Seems like beyond just sex and girlfriend, you want the feeling of being a man, and being a man who women like.

Well, I don't know if you can guarantee if a specific girl will be attracted to you - but your deepest desire seems to be beyond a specific girl anyway. You want to feel like a man. How can you get this feeling, independently of other women/people? How does it feel to be a man? How does a man act? Think along those lines and maybe you can get deeper.

As for being attractive: women in general are attracted to men in general. The way I see it, I'm a man, women like men, so if I'm behaving naturally then there is every reason that women will love me. I'd recommend David Deida for more detail on the whole idea of 'sexual polarity'.

My 2 yuan.

_________________
My Story


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PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2010 7:07 pm 
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Be Powerful Powerhouse

Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:26 am
Posts: 252
Thanks for the reply, I appreciate your insight. How can I get this feeling? I'm not sure I can independently of other women/people...maybe thats my problem? I feel like everyone my age and in society values success with women so highly. I feel like its everywhere, on the radio, all around me and I can't escape it. Its all college kids talk about think about (myself included) and I just feel excluded from it all. Maybe I'm living life according to what I think society, and "cool" people around me value, that your level of manliness is directly related to your secession with women. When I see others succeeding, I feel worse because I'm not. How does it feel to be a man? Not giving a shit what others think, being totally genuine and in touch with desires and acting on them, not being afraid of negative results, and doing this with purpose. How does a man act? A man doesn't need approval from others, he just does what he he wants to and doesn't apologize for is actions, unless he knows he fucked up. Is this not what you meant, did you mean how would I act and how I would feel? Also, I feel its hard to fill this gap in me with anything other than some type of success with women. I know what your going to say as i write this, maybe there isnt a gap that needs to be filled maybe I am complete the way I am now. Its hard sometimes to keep telling myself that. Sometimes I feel like im just preaching these things to myself but don't actually believe what I'm trying to convince myself of.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 10:21 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 111
Hey,

So I ask myself: I often feel listless, especially when I feel the lack of companionship.
I feel powerless, resigned. I envy the laughing, bantering cliques of friends.

Now, I used to try to distract myself(ending in despair)... but letting the emotions run through... I feel more and more like I want to be experiencing the opposite emotion.

In some sense, I seem to be deriving determination from feeling the lack of it.

Or at least an intense desire for control of my life by letting the detachment course through and focusing on the detachment itself.

I wonder whether I'm making sense or if I'm jostling myself with wacky ideas.

I guess the results will tell. I hope they're positive.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:54 pm 
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Mostly A Man. Mostly.

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm
Posts: 5642
Location: Coogee Bay.
That's beautiful mate. Being able to stay with the dissatisfaction takes a lot of courage and power. When you reach a point where you're willing to give up everything you've ever believed in to resolve it, let me know. That's the most powerful space possible to work from.


LoGun


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 7:11 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 11:32 pm
Posts: 111
Hey Leigh,

Thanks.

I've been there before- in a sense. It's a continuous process!!! I've had major belief revisions.

But now... it's bigger than that. I think I may be where you mention.

I'm trying to build my life from dot. From a sort of blank space.

Passion in every moment. Response to emotion. And so on. In a sense, this is becoming my purpose.

-c


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:59 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 67
Location: Ontario
Hey there mates,

I came across the book endgame,though i haven't finished reading yet it made me realize just how short I was selling myself in life. Instead of truly living an inspired life I was feeding off of other people's happiness. Now that I had a couple realizations after reading most of the book, I created a emptiness inside me that I have to fill up.

Now I still have a sticking point which is: I'm extremely nervous when I'm in the center of attention. I always wanted to teach others but it seems like the fear of embarrassment is stronger than that desire. I don't consider teaching as "getting" since teaching would only make ME happier and fulfilled. Why the stress??

ThnX :)


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 3:05 pm 
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Fresh Fish

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:41 am
Posts: 10
Octa wrote:
Hey there mates,

I came across the book endgame,though i haven't finished reading yet it made me realize just how short I was selling myself in life. Instead of truly living an inspired life I was feeding off of other people's happiness. Now that I had a couple realizations after reading most of the book, I created a emptiness inside me that I have to fill up.

Now I still have a sticking point which is: I'm extremely nervous when I'm in the center of attention. I always wanted to teach others but it seems like the fear of embarrassment is stronger than that desire. I don't consider teaching as "getting" since teaching would only make ME happier and fulfilled. Why the stress??

ThnX :)


I think the stress comes from you wanting (or getting) approval from other people and you're afraid if you mess it up that people will look down upon you and judge you. Of course I don't know you, and you must see for yourself if this is true. But I know this was holding me back for a long time.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 3:19 pm 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:21 pm
Posts: 67
Location: Ontario
yeah maybe.
How did you overcome it ? :)


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