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Board index : THE LOUNGE : Inner Game Essentials

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 7:13 am 
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Get Real Graduate

Joined: Wed May 14, 2008 12:55 am
Posts: 484
Here's an article a friend linked me, worth a read:

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For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


LoGun Edit: link to original source - http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regre ... Dying.html

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stay young and beautiful friends


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 10:27 pm 
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Get Real Graduate
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Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2008 6:40 pm
Posts: 1906
Location: Sydney
deepPlay likes this.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:26 am 
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Endgame Aficionado
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Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 346
Location: South West Sydney
Please delete my account and all posts i've made. Cheers.


Last edited by Bobby K on Wed Jan 15, 2014 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:58 am 
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Mostly A Man. Mostly.

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:51 pm
Posts: 5642
Location: Coogee Bay.
What a beautiful article. I'm moving this to the general section and stickying this. Everyone should read it.

And I'm going to change the link to the original article so the author gets the full credit.


L.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:06 am 
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Arm Chair Therapist

Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 7:15 am
Posts: 60
Wow, truly inspiring.
Makes you think what YOU would regret (and what not) on your deathbed.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:21 pm 
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Arm Chair Therapist

Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2010 6:29 am
Posts: 53
I read on one of the PUA forums, from a guy named POOK, he said this:

rejection is better than regret

When you get older you regret a lot, and dont really care about the rejections.

you dont want to die and have a lot to regret over in your life.

if you get rejected a lot, you eventually get what you want and you have some good stories when you failed. WIN/WIN

peace


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:37 pm 
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Fresh Fish

Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:11 pm
Posts: 12
Really good!
Thank You


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 7:59 am 
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Fresh Fish

Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:10 am
Posts: 48
I love checking that article over and over again. So inspirational.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2011 12:36 am 
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Fresh Fish

Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 2:42 am
Posts: 7
Amazing find! Really helps me put everything into perspective. I'm sure Ill be revisiting this one.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:48 pm 
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Fresh Fish
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Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:23 pm
Posts: 7
Location: Naples, Italy
Well... everything changes in the prospective of approaching death! I love Pook's quote too! Very inspirational!


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